Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The great commission

So, today we had our commissioning service and it was wonderful. We worshiped together (and for a nice change we weren't the ones leading it...), had communion and also had our feet washed. Let me tell you, it was a humbling experience. As I sat there waiting to go up to have my feet washed, I was thinking about how uncomfortable it is to be served like that. The point of the whole thing was to teach us and prepare us to be servants, to be willing to wash other peoples' feet, but while I was waiting my turn, I realized that I have a harder time making myself available to serve. I sat in the pew thinking about how nasty my feet were, and like Peter, I didn't want anyone to have to wash them. I was worried that I might have toe jam, or that after being stuck in shoes all day they would stink. I didn't want anyone to have to experience that. I'd gladly have washed someone else's feet, but I didn't realty want anyone to have to wash mine. As all this was going through my head, I couldn't get Gomer's story out of my mind. Gomer was the "adulterous woman" that God commanded Hosea to marry. She left Hosea three different times, each time running away from a nice, clean safe home, back to her life as a prostitute. As I think about that story, I find it hard to believe that she ever went back to prostitution because she enjoyed it, or because she missed it. On the contrary. I think she was afraid. God spoke to Hosea on a regular basis. His life was a living example of what the Israelites had been doing to God. Every time Gomer ran away, Hosea had to go back and get her. Every time she sold herself back into the slaver, he had to come rescue her. I'd imagine that she was pretty ashamed of what she had become. She was dirty and tainted. She was no longer pure and innocent. And I am the same way. How often do I tell God that I am not good enough for the job he has ahead of me? How often do I feel like what i have to offer is insufficient? It was devastating to think that my dirty nasty feet were about to be washed by someone who didn't deserve to be exposed to my gross feet. I didn't want her to have to experience it, just like I don't want to show God how tainted I've become. I'm ashamed and afraid and it hurts my heart to think that it was my fault that He had to die. But, by not approaching Him with my weaknesses, I don't give him an opportunity to cleanse me of them. By not facing my own sins, I deny Him the chance to forgive them. I miss the bittersweet redemption that he has offered me by grace.

All that was to say that we are leaving for Hong Kong, and 1421 is leaving for Singapore tomorrow (well, technically for all those in the central time zone and east, I suppose we're actually leaving later today) and I feel totally inadequate. Luckily for me, I have an entire team going with me. Also, I know that God would not send us without equipping us. He'll show up as long as I will. Tonight was my reality check. Am I trusting God to equip me for those things that he has called me to? Or am I just going to cop out and make excuses for why I don't think I can handle it? Is my own shame getting in the way of His grace? Am I buying myself back into slavery like Gomer, or do I have enough courage to follow where God leads me and humble myself in front of him? How about you?

Thanks to everyone for all of your prayers and support. Hopefully we'll be able to update you on the blog while we're over there, but in case we don't end up having Internet access- see you in a month!

Toodles!
Laura

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Laura:

You don't have toe-jammy feet. Relax and enjoy the journey. Looking forward to hearing more of your stories.

Nancy Kirkwood

Unknown said...

...holy mother of all awesome blog posts, batman!

Anonymous said...

You brought tears to my eyes...
Melody

Angie said...

Schuh~

Your faith never fails to keep me going.

Anonymous said...

Friend, I'm so proud of you and glad that your team gets to be blessed by your love, humility, and servanthood for a whole year.

"I miss the bittersweet redemption that he has offered me by grace." Amen. Me too.

Fight the good fight. Blessings in Asia.

Anonymous said...

It is an adventure to bring up the 1422 blogs...We are a bit closer to you all because of them...God bless